The Laws of Attraction

Okay I know that I am a serious nerd lover. I mean, seriously, I've dated guys who went on to design role playing game worlds for a living. Use this link and look at the guy with the blue (yes I said BLUE) hair. I have dated math pride award winners, valedictorians, English professors (though that was before we knew a few things),band geeks, and I married their king.

He works in radiation control and looks so uber sexy in his Anti-Cs. And boy, when he shaves his head - ooh yeah you know you want it too.

Okay so I like them tall, geeky, and generally darker of hair (when they have it). In my actor preferences, I still like them generally tall, geeky or quirky, and darker of hair. See the list below.

So can you explain to me why I like this guy?

Saying Goodbye to an Old Friend

Yesterday, I had to let an old friend go.

Tristan has been my dog since he was found wandering the streets of Hampton. At that time he didn't have much hair, he was blind, old and had tumors. That was 5 years ago. With good nutrition and some minor medical procedures he began to look more like what he was, an elderly border collie.

He was the calmest border I had ever met. He wasn't ball obsessed, he wasn't too much of a control freak and he wasn't bouncing off the walls at every turn. He was protective, very attached to family, and prone to wander. Sometimes I would wonder how long he lived on his own because this old arthritic dog could grab a bird or a squirrel faster than I could react and swallow it in one go. He was a very good dog.

Over the last few months I had been preparing myself (I thought) for his nearing end. His arthritis had worsened. He had lost a lot of weight. He started looking like he had stringy old man muscles and the bones were sticking out. He lost control of his coordination. His feet would suddenly splay out from under him and his chin would hit the ground. It would take him a full 2 minutes sometimes to navigate 2 stairs to go outside. Then he lost control of his bowel - every day for a week. He was telling me that this was it.

Yesterday, I called the vet's office and made an appointment. They couldn't see me until 4 o'clock, so I worked at home and he lay by my feet the whole day. Yesterday was a good day for him. He didn't fall, he didn't embarrass himself, he got pats and loves for his last day. I got done working at about 3:30 and then I just picked him up, lay him down on my bed and snuggled with him for 15 minutes before it was time to go. As a last act, I gave him his favorite thing ever - bread.

I drove slowly to the office. Not wanting to rush the end and trying to talk myself out of what I knew had to be done. When we went in, the office assistant was on the phone. So I sat unobtrusively and didn't say anything. I figured if they didn't pay any attention I'd get a few more minutes with him. I only got 3 more. I took care of the financial arrangements first. A smart thing in my book because I certainly was going to be more of a wreck afterward. And then we went into the room.

They laid a blankie down on the counter for him to lie on. The vet came in with the anesthetic in his hand. He started to tell me what would happen. I looked at him, crying the whole time, and told him that I knew what would happen. I had put animals down the same way when they were just too injured to rehabilitate before. I just couldn't do it to my own friend. When Tristan received the final push of the anesthetic, he went down very very fast. Faster than normal. It was clear then that it really had been his time. Other than a few seconds of a muscle twitching in his shoulder, there was no movement at all. His heart had already stopped.

What had struck me the hardest was how his face looked when it was over. It became smooth and soft just like it had been. He'd been holding his pain in his face for so long, I got used to seeing it as the look of an "old dog." It was only the absence of that visual reminder of his pain that made me realize that I had been seeing it for so long.

I am glad for him that he doesn't hurt anymore. I hope that his spirit is chasing all the things that his body couldn't do anymore.

You will be missed old friend.

Teacher Applicant Job Description

Something I got by e-mail but still funny and true.

After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, "Let me see if I've got this right: You want me to go into that room with all those kids,

1- correct their disruptive behavior,
2- observe them for signs of abuse,
3- monitor their dress habits,
4- censor their T-shirt messages,
5- and instill in them a love for learning.

You want me to..
6 - check their backpacks for weapons,
7 - wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases,and
8 - raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

You want me to....
9 - teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and
10 - how to register to vote,
11 - balance a checkbook, and
12 - apply for a job.

You want me to
13 - check their heads for lice,
14 - recognize signs of anti-social behavior, and
15 - make sure that they all pass the state exams.

You also want me to
16 - provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and
17 - communicate regularly with their parents in English and Spanish by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile,and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps!

Blasphemer

I think I'm going a little bit round the bend... I came home after two weeks of travel to an empty house. Hubby and kids are in Moab for the weekend riding bikes and camping. So I've been mostly hanging out. The house was a complete mess including a greasy griddle that had clearly been on the stove since Thursday and nobody bothered to clean it before leaving, ahem.

Well this morning I couldn't stand looking at it anymore, so I started washing it by hand and it was really greasy. So I actually said:

BY THE POWER OF DAWN I COMMAND YOU!

Hmmm, I smell toasted marshmallows.

The Philosophy (?) of Aging

Over the last few months I've been thinking about this and it's about time I put it on the blog... if at the very least then the thoughts might leave me alone for a bit. Over time, I have begun to reconnect with quite a few folks with whom I grew up. We've all gone through many changes in the 19-20 years since we saw each other last. We're older, heavier, most of us have good or at least decent jobs, and a lot of us have families that often include children.

Now these are people that I used to know quite well. Some of whom I literally grew up with. Here's what I don't get: most of them are extremely religious and conservative now. I don't get it because I grew up under almost the same conditions, we had the same teachers and we all lived near one another. Yet, I'm not very conservative (excepting a few issues) and I'm definitely not religious in a traditional, Christian, "go to church" sort of way.

Now there were a few who were always very strong in their faith. I discount those because they haven't changed. I respect their decisions as well as their faith and always have. What I don't get is the fervently (almost rabidly) religious group that display their Christianity for all to see. A few are humble and I get that, but many are making concerted effort to be noticed as Christians for one reason or another. And these same people never went to church in my experience with them as children. This wasn't in how they were raised, it's something that has flipped a switch since that time.

So here's my theory: I think it's recognition of one's own mortality that is at the heart of all this stuff. Either that or they're trying to set an example for their children that is different from the way they were raised. I'm sticking with the mortality issue though. The reason I think it is based in the concepts that all Christians essentially believe: that there is a life, in one form or another, after this one. Many religions, in fact most of the dominant modern ones, are based in the concept that if you believe in _____ and you do good things on earth you will be rewarded with life everlasting. So fear of death drives these religions.

As we all near the 40 mark, it makes me think that they are conscious of this change to the "downhill slope" as it were. Instead of realizing that it is a natural progression, their fear drives them to great lengths such as a rabid adherence to a particular religion. That fear creates new ideas that were previously unthinkable in my experience with these folks.

I'm not sure, but I wouldn't want fear driving me to obey someone else that goes against my experience and my inner nature. Perhaps they have changed over the years in a true and meaningful way. In fact, when speaking to a few of them, I believe that they have. For the rest, however, I hope that their newfound faith provides them with whatever succor for which they are seeking. I hope for their sakes that it is not a hollow, desperate thing as it seems to an outside observer.

Discounted...

I feel rather betrayed and discounted this morning. I found out that my husband has been on facebook. He never tried to friend me or acknowledge me in any way. Now I realize that this is just a website. However, it is a website designed specifically to engender and reinforce social connections. If your own husband doesn't place you in his acquaintance circle, what does that say?

He's trying to turn this argument into one about "asking permission" to do things. That's completely not it. It's about the fact that he has created a situation in which I do not matter in any public way and possibly I don't to him any more. I'm not sure.

Am I blowing this out of proportion?

New Fan Fic

For those of you who care and actually can find me on the fanfic site that I frequent. It's not all that hard, but I'm allowing for willful ignorance if you don't want to read the stuff I write because it definitely will NOT appeal to all. But if you are in the right mindset, then by all means, please read it and let me know what you think. New genre for me so it was a bit of an experiment.